Smile
by Arashi2
Summary: Rei thinks about how Shinji brings out her emotions.


  
I walked down the street. I knew what the rush of people surrounding me saw when they glanced at me - a blue-haired, crimson-eyed, pale-skinned girl with an expressionless, almost cold, face. 

Never once in my life had I thought about my lack of expression. As long as it did not affect my job as the pilot of Unit-00, it was acceptable. 

That was, until I met Ikari Shinji. From the first time he took me into his arms to shelter me from the falling debris, I could feel a tremor, an undercurrent of strong feelings which I tried my hardest to suppress. I didn't know how he managed to evoke those feelings in me, and I was scared of the way I reacted when I was around him. So I took the only route I knew - I pushed the feelings further into myself. 

Then, one day, he asked me to smile. No. Rather, he told me that when people were happy, they smiled. And I did. I had never been happier than when he smiled back. 

Was this love, then? To enjoy just watching a person smiling back at me? To feel something which I cannot even describe when that person is standing near me? To have that feeling when he merely looks at me? 

Perhaps. But I do not know for sure. After all, I have never been in love. In fact, I have never felt many in emotions in my life. It wasn't that I didn't want to. It was just that there never had been a need, not until Ikari-kun came along. 

He was the one who had taught me how to smile. He was the only one who had ever asked me to smile. And being around him made me want to smile. 

I knew that he liked the Second Child. He had never told me so directly, but I saw the way he looked at her. I recognised the look. After all, I looked at him in the exact same way. 

I didn't mind that he loved her. I think that if there is one good thing about my ability to push away my feelings, it is that I am able to push away jealousy. I didn't feel jealous. I thought I would, but I didn't. 

Maybe it is because of something which I saw in a movie once. It was the only movie I had ever seen in my life, and, not surprisingly, I had gone to see it with Ikari-kun. He seemed to have the ability to make me do things that I would never have done otherwise. 

I remembered everything about that night and that movie. It was a romance movie, something which Aida-san might perhaps have termed ' sappy '. But the one thing that stood out in my mind after watching it was a message. " You are happy when the person you love is happy. " 

I knew that Ikari-kun would be happy with the Second Child. And I knew that I would be happy if he was happy. 

As I turned around the corner, I saw Ikari-kun running towards me. 

" Asuka just agreed to go on a date with me! " he yelled, grinning at me. 

I smiled in return.   
  


Okay, this is my first try at a fanfic ( okay, so maybe not my first try, but it's the first time I've actually had the guts to post anything ), so please be understanding if there're any lousy parts. But definitely be generous with the criticisms ( if there are any ). And I'd appreciate reviews of any kind, good or bad. 

Now, maybe I should elaborate a bit more on this fic. I intentionally set out to write about Rei exploring her emotions ( or lack of ) and how Shinji managed to bring them out. But as I went on, the bit about Shinji liking Asuka instead of her came out of its own accord, and I just left it there because I thought it made a good twist, and adds something a bit different. 

Hm, I guess that's about all there is to say. Well, 'til next time! 

- Ayanami Rei ( author )   


Um, second note here. Basically, it's just a little reply to the reviews I've received so far. 

I've changed " Asoka " to " Asuka ". Sorry about that, it was a slip of the mind ( or the fingers ). See, I'm actually doing the history of India in History class and there is this very famous Indian ruler who's called " Asoka ". So, either I was thinking about my History class during the writing of this fic or it was a simple typo. Thanks very much to Rei-chan for pointing out the error. 

As for reviews that say it's too sad, or that Rei and Shinji should be together...well, I actually am a really big Rei and Shinji fan. It's just that this fic somehow turned out like this. But rest assured that if I write a romance fic again, I'll definitely write Rei and Shinji. 

I'm not going to continue this fic ( sorry Karl ) because I just don't think there's much room for development. I planned this as a one-shot thing anyway. But...if anyone thinks that they have the perfect idea for continuing this fic, you can email me and tell me about your idea. If I think it fits the storyline and it's where I want the story to go, then I'll accept it and continue this fic. Either that, or you can ask for my permission and I'll let you continue this fic for me. 

Well, thanks to everyone who reviewed. I really appreciated it. I seriously never thought I'd get such a big response. Once again, a big thank you to the reviewers. 'Til the next story! 

- Ayanami Rei ( author )   



End file.
